This past year really got away from me in a big way. Started off with a bad job situation and ongoing depression, slid into financial disaster and spun up into my dream job – which I come to find is in a dying industry.
Learned a lot of new skills, from baking ridiculous amounts of muffins to using two new computer programs and editing other people’s writing. Got a little more fit from hauling around 40-pound buckets of muffin batter, lost it a bit in the summer but then started walking more, to meet up with Romy on campus (right across the street from my job).
Currently I’m reeling from working 10-12 hour days starting at 6 a.m. 3-4 days a week for the last – how many, 3? 4? – weeks now, on the deadline desk. It’s a little brain-breaking, going from that (editing, fact-checking and headline-writing on fast forward) to doing the entertainment pages and layout, and then being responsible for layout on a local weekly paper. Add to that, I’m normally NOT a morning person – I sleepwalk for about half my shift, I swear – and you find me too tired to be properly functional when I finally do have time to do my own stuff.
My email has swamped me under. I’ve got stuff in there from September (when rumors started going around at work), and the grand total is somewhere around 400 (!!) for all my journals combined.
Tomorrow, I’m going to clean it all out.
If you get a reply from me on something totally outdated, please just smile and nod, no answer needed. And if you never did get a reply on something I should have caught, by all means poke me – hard. I’ll be answering some stuff and tossing a hell of a lot out, and one of my resolutions is to NEVER let it get that bad again, no matter how rough a day I’ve had. You guys take the time to talk to me, the least I can do is answer you.
My other resolutions are simple, and yet vast.
1. I will become less fearful, and if that’s not possible, I will cultivate courage. The only reason I’ve never submitted anything for publication aside from a couple of stories to an ezine I considered a safe haven is fear, pure and simple. I’ve been afraid of failure to the point that it’s been easier to just not try, and that’s not living. Flip-side? I’m also terrified of success. Beats me if I understand that one, but there it is. Hell, even at work – I’ve got a chance at learning how to be a reporter, and it scares the living shit out of me, but I’m not going to give up this time. If you see me chicken out again, call me on it.
2. I will honor my life. Hate to admit it, but I’m getting older every year. I’m past the halfway point statistically speaking and on the downhill slide. If I don’t take care of my health, I will lose precious time to illness and pain, and I’m not willing to do that. My dad had arthritis in his spine so bad that, for the last decade or so of his life, he couldn’t really live. He used to bowl, quite well I’m told. Had to stop because he just physically couldn’t do it anymore. My mother had arthritis in her hands. I type my words as my one true expression – like hell I’m compromising that.
3. I will enjoy my life, warts and all, rather than treat it as an inconvenience. Job loss, change, transition, growth, fear, joy, friends, acquaintances, mortal foes, soapboxes, hairballs, writer’s block, rejection slips, royalty checks, internet porn, fandom, depression, tears, birds, stones, dragonflies, road trips, stories, cats, homecooked meals, tea, maple cream coffee, family, love, northern lights and meteorites – all these things are a part of my life as I am living it, whether they have come yet or not, and they are all worthy of my time and full attention.
Happy 2009, all, and Peace.
Crossposted like whoa.
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thoughtful
